Many years ago, I came upon a very interesting book. The book was entitled When Society Becomes an Addict (Harper Collins Publishers: New York, New York, 1987). The author was Ann Wilson Schaef, who was a clinical psychologist and died in 2020. I began thinking about this book a number of months ago and finally decided to re-read what Ann wrote some forty-eight years ago. In re-reading her book, I was amazed by the wisdom and perspectives she wrote about then and how relevant her insights are for us today. For me, this means that those of us who are addicted to a substance or a process, live in various societies that are addicted. Her point is that both individuals and groups to which we belong tend to be addicted. Therefore, it is even more important that we find groups – like recovery groups – that affirm the possibility of recovery and support in this journey to recovery. I want to reflect on this issue in this article, pointing to marks of addicted societies and what the alternatives are.
Marks of an Addicted Society
For the purposes of this article, I see a society as any group that is more than one person – from friendships to families to church groups, to neighborhoods to work groups, to cities to a country, and even to the world community. Size is not as important as the impact that the society has on us. I would suggest reading Ann’s book to dive more into this subject. More than anything else, we need to recognize the impact of the environment and others on our addiction and recovery.
As I write about this theme, I am thinking of the larger world in which we live in this country. Some of these are: Emphasis on competition that leads to the importance of winning; loneliness and isolation; perfectionism; and shame. These are just a few of the themes that Ann mentions. I pose these in terms of a polarity – what seems addictive and what are possible alternatives.
Importance of Winning vs Collaborating with Others
I see this theme emerging from a culture in which there is a high emphasis on winning. What comes to mind are the famous words of the Green Bay Packer coach, Vince Lombardi: “Winning isn’t everything but it’s the only thing.” I see his words as a symbol in our society where we are striving to win predominates. Who wants to be second? This occurs in sports, school, work – to name a few places. With an emphasis on winning, who does want to be second? This leads many of us to feel like losers and second class.
My response is simply a recognition that we are not losers if we don’t win the top prize. Losing and being disappointed are always part of life! Can we find other people and ways to collaborate that help us accept that we will not always win the top prize. What is more important is that we give our best in the situation we are in. I believe very often we face a choice: Will we choose to compete where the only acceptable outcome is winning the top prize, or can we find ways to collaborate with others that gives us a chance to make a significant contribution? That is the choice we often face.
Loneliness and Isolation vs Connections
A landmark report was issued by the then Surgeon General, Vivek Myrthy, in November 2023. In this report, he spoke of Loneliness, Isolation and Disconnections as epidemics in our society. These issues impact people of all ages in our society. There is an ol’ adage in recovery that addictions flourish in isolation, while recovery flourishes in communities! Research also shows that people feel a lack of connection when they are continually on cell phones and looking at computer screens.
My response emphasizes that we need groups and communities that we can join and which offer support and safety. 12 Step groups come to mind as well as other groups that are supportive of the recovery journey. I have found this in a 12 Step group that I have been part of for thirty years – yes, I am a slow learner! Other groups that might fit this criterion are support groups, special interest groups around issues like cooking or gardening, prayer groups etc. The focus of these groups is not so much on the purpose as it is on finding groups where we find support and companionship. And remember, no one is an island!
Perfectionism vs Seeking to Progress
I believe that our seeking to be perfect flows from living in societies that affirm competition as well as being influenced by all the images we see in the media and our computers about what we should wear and how we should look.
My response is simply to say perfection doesn’t exist in this world and never will! Each one of us is a fallible human being, who errs and makes mistakes. I am reminded of stories that come from baseball. The very best players – those in the Hall of Fame – are players who made an out about three times as often as they got a hit. A batter who hits .300 makes an out seven times more than the person who gets hit. To me that is a remarkable image in a society that often seeks to be perfect in all we do. Also, Steps 8 & 9 of the 12 Steps speak about the importance of acknowledging and extending – when possible – apologies to those we have hurt and harmed, and this even includes ourselves. I also have always loved a saying from AA’s How It Works – “progress, not perfection.” Please remember this saying because progress is always attainable, perfection ain’t!
Shame vs Acceptance
I believe another characteristic of addicted societies is the experience of shame. Simply put, shame is feeling we are not good enough, we don’t measure up, something is missing from us. It is like we always feel we are missing a few of the puzzle pieces to complete the puzzle. There is also the common distinction between guilt and shame. Feeling guilty translates into “I have made a mistake” while feelings of shame translate into “I am a mistake.” A huge difference!
My response really goes hand in hand with the other suggestions I have made in this article. It is imperative that we take the risks to find individuals and groups that affirm us and welcome us when we feel we don’t belong. We also need the same when we are looking for accountability in changes that we wish to make to help us grow and meet new challenges. Also, we at times will need the courage to leave a relationship or a group where we experience not being affirmed or supported.
Conclusion
My response to the book Ann Wilson Schaef wrote on Society Becomes an Addict is to encourage all of us to find societies, groups, and communities where we can experience connection, affirmation and encouragement to grow and be creative. Who supports you? Who do you support? I hope you are able to name a few people in response to both of those questions I raised. My best to you and thank you for reading this article and I am always open to feedback.
Mark T Scannell is an avid 12 Stepper, who enjoys writing articles and books about addiction and recovery. His latest book is Affirm & Nurture: A New Look at the 12 Steps – Gasscann Publishing: Minneapolis, MN, 2024. His e-mail is gasscann@bitstream.net. We may receive a small commission via some of the links on this page – at no cost to you.
Last Updated on May 16, 2025
