In my 60s, I finally understood why my body had been screaming at me for 30 years.
The tightness in my chest wasn’t “just anxiety.” The knot in my stomach wasn’t “overthinking.” The exhaustion that followed every interaction with my adult child wasn’t “getting older.”
It was my nervous system trying to tell me something I’d spent decades refusing to hear: This isn’t sustainable. You’re not safe. Something has to change.
I wish someone had told me this 30 years ago. But since no one did, I’m telling you now.
The Pattern I Couldn’t See
From the outside, I looked fine. I showed up. I helped. I stayed calm during every crisis. I was the steady one, the reliable one, the mother everyone could count on.
Inside, I was falling apart.
Every phone call felt like a threat. Every text from my adult child sent my heart racing before I even read it. I couldn’t relax during visits. I couldn’t sleep after conversations. My body was always braced for the next disaster.
And I felt ashamed of it.
“She’s doing better now,” I’d tell myself. “Why am I still so anxious? What’s wrong with me?”
I thought the anxiety was the problem. Turns out, it was the solution my body had been offering all along.
What Nobody Tells You About Parenting Through Trauma
When you’ve parented through addiction, mental illness, abuse, or chronic chaos, your nervous system doesn’t reset when the crisis ends.
Your body remembers:
- The 2 AM phone calls.
- The hospital visits.
- The terrifying uncertainty.
- The impossible choices.
- The times you couldn’t fix it no matter how hard you tried.
Even when things calm down on the surface, your body stays on high alert. Because it’s learned something critical: This can go wrong at any moment. Stay ready.
That’s not anxiety disorder. That’s adaptive response to repeated trauma.
Your body isn’t broken. It’s doing exactly what it was designed to do: keep you alive.
The Moment Everything Changed
At 60, after a particularly brutal week left me unable to eat or sleep, I started working with The Marriage and Motherhood Survivor Method™.
And I learned to ask a different question.
Not: “What’s wrong with me?”
But: “What is my body trying to tell me?”
The answer was immediate and devastating: You’re not okay. This relationship is costing you your peace. You’ve been abandoning yourself to manage someone else’s chaos. And you can’t keep doing this.
My anxiety wasn’t irrational. It was truth-telling.
Listening to the Messenger
Here’s what I started noticing when I stopped fighting my anxiety and started listening to it:
The tightness before phone calls? It’s my body saying, “This relationship has a history of unpredictability. Protect yourself.”
The exhaustion after ‘fine’ visits? It’s my system telling me, “You’re still managing their emotions while suppressing your own. That’s depleting.”
The dread when they ask for help? It’s my nervous system remembering, “This pattern has hurt you before. Proceed carefully.”
My anxiety wasn’t betraying me. It was informing me.
The Practice That Changed Everything
The Marriage and Motherhood Survivor Method™ taught me something revolutionary: I could acknowledge my anxiety without letting it control me.
I learned to pause between the feeling and the response:
- Notice: “My chest is tight. My body is speaking.”
- Name it: “I’m feeling anxious because this situation reminds my system of past chaos.”
- Ask: “What do I need right now to feel safe?”
- Choose: “I can respond when I’m ready, not when anxiety demands it.”
This wasn’t about ignoring my child’s needs. It was about not ignoring my own.
What Happened When I Started Listening
The anxiety didn’t disappear. But something more important happened: I stopped being at war with myself.
I set boundaries without guilt – because my body told me when I was overextending.
I stopped rushing to fix everything – because I learned to distinguish real emergencies from manufactured urgency.
And I found peace – not because life got easier, but because I wasn’t fighting my own nervous system anymore.
Some relationships deepened. Others had to change shape. And yes, that was painful.
But the alternative – continuing to abandon myself to manage someone else’s chaos – was killing me.
The Truth About Anxiety
Your anxiety isn’t the enemy. It’s the part of you that’s been trying to save your life.
Before your brain catches up, your body knows. It remembers. It warns you. It tries to protect you.
The work isn’t to silence it. The work is to finally, finally listen.
You’re not too old to change this pattern. You’re not too far gone. You’re not broken.
You’re just finally ready to hear what your body has been trying to tell you all along.
Let’s Discuss:
Can you recognize when your body is sending you signals that something is not right? Are there healthier ways you can learn to respond to these signals?
