These Are The Sluttiest Cars

Hello fun havers. Thanks for playing along with Collin’s QOTD “What’s The Sluttiest Car?” earlier this week. I would have gone with a Pagini Zonda (something about those big luscious curves and little side delicate side mirrors) but I didn’t get my own answer in on time. 

Of course, my favorite answer from you, dear readers, was a zippy little almost-sports car that can go around topless; the 1989 Volkswagen Golf GTi Cabriolet (I’m aware the Petrolicious video above in a 1990 my pedantic ones, they’re basically the same) but all the answers are hilarious and largely respectful.

 You all make some good arguments for you sluttiest car pick. Big ups to Jalopnik alum Mercedes Streeter for entering the chat with her Baja Bug pick, and for one commenter reminding me the Holden Sandman existed. Apparently it was the preferred ride of a particular brand of ladies man in its native land. The Playboy is also a great pick, though now it looks like a car Fisher-Price Little People would drive. 

Anyway, go ahead and spend your Thursday morning looking through the sluttiest cars to ever grace the roads.

Those of us a certain age (and experience) knows there’s only one car that fits that description oh so well. It’s up to you if you want to introduce the driver to your mom and dad…

From Xavier96

A very specific Altima owned by one of the senior cashiers at Home Depot or a CNA at an assisted living facility.

It’s got a broken side mirror, key scratches down the entire passenger side, a fuel door that’s a different color than the car, and a sticker from a buy here/pay here lot.

It hasn’t had an oil change in 11,000 miles. The error lights on the dashboard turn on and off occasionally. One of the radio station preset buttons is missing. The key fob is held together with duct tape.

The headlights are opaque. The tires don’t match. The right rear tire has concepts of tread. The windshield is cracked. The registration sticker on the license plate doesn’t belong to it.

The Nissan logo on the front is cracked. Both A’s in Altima on the back are missing. The trunk doesn’t pop open when you press the trunk release anymore.

The license plate bulbs have been burnt out for years, but you wouldn’t know it because their fuse is burnt out too.

The rear bumper shell isn’t aligned properly. The brakes squeal on all four wheels.

From half man half bear half pig

Come on its the Dodge Swinger, they even did a last call for it.

From XXLTall

A Baja bug. It’s just happily showing off all of its goodies to the world for all to see, and what are you going to do about it? You’re going to love it, that’s what.

From Mercedes Streeter (hi Mercedes!) 

For girls – the Jetta. Nothing specific about the car, but during those peak Jetta years many guys knew to head to sorority house with a bunch of Jettas parked there.

For guys – the Ram. If he drives a Ram, he’ll ride anything.

For the future – All the Waymo’s people have sex in when they are running nationwide.

From engineerthefuture

Holden Sandman. The original ‘If this car’s a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’. It was almost a cultural rite of passage to end up parked down at the beach, in the back next to the surfboards. Any young Australian guy who picked your daughter up in a Sandman may as well have been waving a pack of condoms at you as he drove away.

From John Smith

Easy: Aventador

Its the loudest, attractive, attention grabbing, gold digging car that loves to get abused, ridden hard and hung up to dry then do it all again while having breakdowns and small issues in the process

Also may incentivize this happening with its passengers

From Crashed Lambo

The obvious answer is the Ford Econoline. My parents had one, the first of a long string of vans and minivans. Because it had so much room in back, I borrowed it to move myself out of my college dorm. One of my ‘friends’ announced as he saw me pull in, “Ah, Datanerd, you brought the F*** Truck!” at full stentorian volume. He must have noticed I turned a bright red color, and proceeded to follow me into the dorm lobby and down the hall with various oratory about the purposes of the F*** Truck. I’m lucky I had the summer to recover before I returned to campus.

From Datanerd

Playboy A48 Convertible. It’s in the name.

From Giantsgiants

I used to have a Challenger R/T Shaker and the lady I was seeing at the time called it a “male thot car.”

From Aldairion