Facing the Dark Side of Alcohol – Shannon’s Story
Have you ever wondered what it takes to break free from decades of alcohol use and transform your entire life? Shannon’s story reveals the hidden struggles many face with alcohol and the powerful path to lasting freedom. Starting from her teenage years and continuing through motherhood until she quit at age 41, Shannon discovered the dark side of alcohol wasn’t just about the hangovers—it was about the shame, the broken promises to herself, and the generational patterns she desperately wanted to break. Her journey from that scared child watching intoxicated adults to becoming a certified This Naked Mind coach demonstrates that transformation is possible, no matter how long alcohol has been part of your story.
Growing Up in the Shadow of Alcohol
Alcohol was a constant presence in my life from infancy. Everyone in my family and extended family drank, and some did so excessively. I lost relatives to alcohol. It appeared at every milestone—christenings, funerals, birthdays, holidays. The drinking itself was normalized and celebrated, but the dark side of alcohol use and abuse remained hidden, a secret we all kept from ourselves and each other.
As a child, I watched the adults transform once they started drinking. What began as fun and laughter often shifted into something darker and unpredictable. They became like children, and we children suddenly felt responsible for the adults. People would argue, act strange, stop making sense, or simply pass out. The fear I felt when the adults in charge were intoxicated stayed with me for years.
I remember making a promise to myself as a preteen: I would never be like that. I would never lose control the way they did. But those promises to ourselves are often the hardest to keep.
The Magnetic Pull of That First Buzz
Being a teenager in my small town meant limited options for entertainment, and drinking at parties quickly became the norm. At my first party, when I felt that initial buzz and my shyness melted away, something clicked. I had found what felt like a magic solution to my insecurities. Around older boys, I suddenly felt confident and grown up, rebellious and free.
It didn’t take long for me to become exactly what I swore I’d never be—not just a drinker but a smoker too, all at fifteen years old. The irony wasn’t lost on me, but the hook had been set.
The Spiral of Shame and Self-Blame
My thoughts around alcohol always circled back to self-blame. I did countless stupid things while intoxicated, and yet I kept going back for more. In high school, it didn’t seem to matter much because everyone was doing the same crazy things. But in my twenties, the shame began to settle in like a heavy fog.
I never blamed the alcohol itself. Instead, I believed it was my fault that I couldn’t control it. I told myself I was just a lightweight, someone who couldn’t hold their liquor, maybe even an alcoholic. I thought I was destined to follow in the footsteps of my relatives who also struggled with control. Sometimes, I almost embraced that identity as a way to avoid the cognitive dissonance that had been growing for years.
The battle inside my mind was torture. I knew I never wanted to be an out-of-control drinker, but my behaviors told a different story. The worst part? I felt like I had nobody to talk to about it. Everyone around me seemed perfectly fine with drinking to excess.
When Motherhood Changed Everything
Once I had children, the shame and guilt reached new heights, triggering intense anxiety and depression. I realized with horror that I was becoming one of those annoying, drunk adults that had terrified me as a child. The quiet whisper I’d heard in my twenties—”You should really stop drinking”—had become a roar I could no longer ignore in my thirties.
The moment that broke my heart happened when my daughter was almost two years old. She went to the counter where my box of wine sat, held up her sippy cup to the spout, and asked for some of mommy’s juice. I laughed on the outside, but inside, I was devastated. I did not want this cycle to continue in my family. Yet it still took me a decade to finally say goodbye to alcohol.
The Failed Attempts at Control
The biggest issue was that I didn’t have an “off” switch when it came to alcohol. If I drank, I drank a lot. I experienced blackouts, passed out, and had chunks of missing time throughout my teens and early twenties. Because my friends experienced the same things, it felt normal despite being scary and gross.
In my late twenties, reality hit during a mandatory Drug and Alcohol Free Workplace training. As they described the signs of alcoholism, my heart sank. I felt like the only person in that room of sixty employees who fit the description perfectly.
Over the next ten years, I tried everything to control my drinking. I used shame and blame, beating myself up after binges. I signed up for detox and cleanse programs to have an excuse not to drink, only to “retox” within weeks. I created endless rules: no drinking during the week, only drink on weekends, drink my least favorite beverage, nothing before five pm, never drink alone. I broke every single rule countless times.
I avoided social situations where alcohol would be present, leaving me feeling deprived and isolated. I even tried substituting weed, thinking if I was high, I wouldn’t want to drink as much. Nothing worked reliably or for long. I always found myself drinking on days I planned not to drink and consuming way more than I intended.
Discover Your Path to Freedom with The Alcohol Experiment
If Shannon’s story resonates with you, you’re not alone. Hundreds of thousands of people have transformed their relationship with alcohol through The Alcohol Experiment, a free 30-day program that helps you explore your drinking habits without judgment or pressure. Through daily videos, supportive community, and evidence-based insights, you’ll gain the tools and understanding you need to make informed decisions about alcohol in your life. Whether you’re curious about taking a break or seeking lasting freedom, The Alcohol Experiment provides a judgment-free space to explore what’s possible. Join and discover what life could look like on the other side.
Finding Hope in the Darkest Year
When I was thirty-six, I managed my first serious break from alcohol—seven weeks of freedom. I did it privately, only telling my husband, too scared to engage with the small online sober community I’d found. Despite feeling alone in my journey, those seven weeks were the best of my thirties. I felt strong, reliable, healthy, and present for my kids.
But I wasn’t ready yet. A vacation with drinking friends derailed me, and within weeks, I’d slipped back into old patterns. I lacked a strong alcohol-free foundation.
At thirty-eight, I experienced what I can only describe as my rock bottom year. A devastating family secret was revealed, causing turmoil throughout my extended family. I turned to alcohol to cope with the pain, never recognizing the irony that I was using the same substance that had caused most of my suffering in the first place.
During this time, mommy wine culture was in full swing in my neighborhood. What started as weekend gatherings with other families evolved into daily wine sessions on someone’s patio. The partying and drama escalated over the years until friendships were ruined, marriages broke up, and boundaries were violated. Even though my family wasn’t at the center of the turmoil, everyone was affected. I was done. I wanted out.
My drinking had escalated beyond social use—I was using it to cope with emotional pain. Then, at the end of that hellacious year, I found Annie Grace’s book, This Naked Mind. For the first time, I had real hope for my future.
The Transformation Through This Naked Mind
We put our house up for sale and moved to a new neighborhood on New Year’s Day, a fresh start in more ways than one. I immersed myself in quit lit and podcasts, returning to This Naked Mind whenever I felt myself slipping back into old patterns.
In November 2019, I did my first Live Alcohol Experiment, and it was a revelation. The coaches understood me. The other participants were in the same boat. I didn’t feel alone anymore. For the first time, I could talk about what I’d been going through with people who truly understood.
The This Naked Mind podcast educated, encouraged, and empowered me after every episode. I resonated with Annie, Scott, and the coaches immediately. The book opened my eyes to research about alcohol I’d never seen before and showed me options beyond meetings or rehab.
I started examining my beliefs about alcohol, both as a substance and as a social construct. I learned how alcohol actually works in the human body and brain and how our society reinforces lies about its benefits. The reading and listening were valuable, but connecting with the This Naked Mind community was the final piece I needed for lasting freedom.
I went on to complete five more Live Alcohol Experiments. I had five alcohol-free months and thought I was finally free, but another vacation derailed me. However, each time I returned to This Naked Mind, I learned more, reduced my drinking, and found more peace and self-compassion.
I had my last Day One on September 19, 2021.
From Participant to Coach
During my first Live Alcohol Experiment, when I experienced the coaches doing their live Q&A sessions every day, I knew I wanted to become a coach. Two years later, just two weeks after my last Day One, I filled out an application for the certification program and never looked back.
Completing the This Naked Mind Institute certification training was my full-circle moment. I wanted to give back and make a difference the way all those coaches had done for me through six Live Alcohol Experiments. It was the best decision I’ve ever made because I’ve learned more about myself these past couple of years than I ever would have otherwise.
Annie Grace is one of my favorite people, and I hope to make an impact like she has for countless people, families, and communities. One person’s journey to alcohol freedom sends a ripple effect that helps the whole world.
Life in Technicolor: Freedom Redefined
My life doesn’t look radically different on the outside. I’ve left my nonprofit job of twenty years to start a life coaching business, which has been a dream for many years. My pet-sitting side hustle is new and I love being surrounded by wagging tails while working from home. I’m raising my teenage daughters with my husband of seventeen years, who still drinks but has cut back since I quit.
Navigating a new career and entrepreneurship while raising teenage daughters would not have been possible if I was still drinking. My inner world had to go through a major transformation.
For me, freedom from alcohol means freedom from wasted time, hangovers, anxiety, depression, shame, extra weight, puffiness, regret, embarrassment, risky behaviors, unhealthy choices, unnecessary drama, and isolation.
When I was drinking, I felt like I was in a dense fog, living in a low vibration state, existing in a dark and shallow place. Being free from alcohol is like seeing the world in technicolor and feeling everything again. I’m not numb to life anymore.
I’m now free to be the real me, to feel a full range of emotions, to drive whenever I want, to wake up feeling amazing. I have abundant time, money, and energy to do the activities that light me up. I have so much appreciation for life and the people in my life.
My daughters are proud of me and look up to me, and that’s the best gift I’ve received from choosing to be alcohol-free. My gift to them is my total presence, my attention, my shift in priorities. My biggest reason for letting go of alcohol was to break the generational patterns and be a good role model for my girls.
The Message I’d Send Back in Time
If I could tell my old self one thing, it would be this: You already have everything you need inside you. There is no substance you could ingest that even comes close to the feeling of living in alignment with your spirit, with God, and with your purpose. You don’t need anything outside of you to feel confident, worthy, or loved. Freedom, happiness, and peace come from within.
I’m excited to help other women move toward living consciously, free, and fulfilled lives. If my journey resonates with you, know that transformation is possible no matter how long alcohol has been part of your story. The path to freedom is waiting, and you don’t have to walk it alone.
Share Your Story
Did you overcome the dark side of alcohol using our books, the app, the podcasts, or another program at This Naked Mind? Please share your story here and inspire others on their journey!
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