You don’t have to have been in a codependent relationship to feel completely lost after a breakup. Going from “we” to “me” can be incredibly difficult, and it only gets harder the longer you have been together. Every year spent together is a year’s worth of birthdays, holidays, parties, holidays and life milestones. These experiences create a strong emotional bond between a couple, so splitting up can feel painful and disorienting. If you are able to frame your breakup in the right way, you might be able to look at your breakup as liberating. Instead of asking yourself what will you do without them, you can ask “what can I do without them.” You may find that a breakup will actually broaden your horizons and make it easier for you to start chasing some of your bigger life goals. Spitting up might be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
Here, we’re looking at some of the most common ways to reclaim your sense of self after a breakup so you can start living your life to the maximum again. Breakups are always hard, but when you feel ready to start living your life again, it’s helpful to know which direction you’re heading in.
Talk it out
Your friends and family know you best. Talk to them about your life, your goals, and where you want to go. They might have some insight about the dreams you used to hold but have let fall to the wayside throughout your relationship. If you are someone who journals a lot, try revisiting old diaries from the start of your relationship or even before it. This might help you to reconnect with who you were before the relationship.
Revisit old hobbies, or find new ones
Is there something you’ve always wanted to try but didn’t have the time or the confidence? Now is the time to give it a whirl. Or maybe you gave up hobbies at the start of your relationship in favour of new ones you could do with your partner. The time after a breakup is an excellent time to start exploring your interests – not least because it can distract you from some of the more unpleasant feelings you might be experiencing.
Learn to be selfish
When you’re part of a couple, you might become accustomed to saying yes to things you aren’t really interested in. This could be things like games nights, camping or going to festivals. When you are single, you can reclaim your life by learning how to be selfish and say no to things that aren’t aligned with how you want to spend your life.
Get out of your comfort zone
While you’re saying no to things that don’t interest you, you really need to be saying yes to things that scare you a bit. Going to a party without your trusty plus one or going to the cinema on your own are two great examples. Learning how to do things by yourself and really enjoying your own company will help you as you move forward into the next stage of your life. Your first solo holiday after a breakup is likely to be life changing.
Go easy on yourself
You don’t have to feel better all at once. Expect it to be a long process with ups and downs. The important thing is that you treat yourself with compassion during this time. Remember that relationships fail all the time, and it doesn’t make you a failure. You are no less loveable or valuable because your relationship has ended, and it’s important that you don’t let yourself fall for this narrative.
