Sex Expert Reveals the One Christmas Present You Should Never Buy Your Partner and What to Buy Instead
Christmas shopping for your partner can feel like walking through a minefield. Get it right and you’re a hero. However, get it wrong and, well, you might as well book separate bedrooms for January. While you’re eyeing up that shiny new air fryer or top-of-the-range vacuum cleaner, thinking it’s practical and useful, you could be accidentally telling your partner something very different. According to sex expert Julia Stein of Drachen Toys, a boutique specialising in fantastical adult products, there’s one type of gift that’s basically kryptonite for your sex life. “Every year I see the same pattern,” says Julia. “Someone gifts their partner a kitchen appliance or cleaning gadget, thinking they’re being helpful, and then wonders why the spark fizzles out. These gifts don’t say ‘I desire you’. They say ‘I see you as someone who does chores.’”
Below, Julia reveals exactly why functional gifts can damage intimacy and what you should be buying instead if you want to keep the passion alive this festive season.
The Gift That Kills Romance
So what’s the one thing you should absolutely never buy your partner for Christmas? According to Julia, it’s household appliances or purely functional gifts. We’re talking vacuum cleaners, air fryers, ironing boards, kitchen gadgets, or anything else that screams “this will make your domestic duties easier”. While your intentions might be good, the message lands very differently.
“When you give someone a practical household item, you’re unconsciously putting them in the role of housekeeper rather than lover,” Julia explains. “It’s about what the gift represents. A new blender says, ‘I think of you as someone who makes smoothies’. A thoughtful, intimate gift says ‘I think of you as someone I desire’.”
The problems amount to more than just hurt feelings on Christmas morning, as these gifts can actually create distance in the bedroom. When someone feels reduced to their functional role in the household, it’s much harder for them to feel sexy and desired. And desire is what keeps intimacy alive.
Why Functional Gifts Damage Intimacy
The psychology behind this is straightforward but powerful. Gifts are a form of communication, whether we realise it or not. They tell the recipient how we see them and what role they play in our lives. “Intimacy thrives on feeling wanted, not needed,” says Julia. “When your partner gives you something that’s all about household tasks, it reinforces a dynamic that’s about practicality and routine. That’s the opposite of what builds sexual chemistry.”
The bedroom requires a different energy entirely. It needs playfulness, desire, and a sense that your partner sees you as more than a co-manager of household duties. Functional gifts strip away that magic and replace it with reminders of mundane reality. Even if your partner has been dropping hints about wanting a new coffee machine, Christmas isn’t the time. Save practical items for birthdays or random Tuesdays. Christmas should be about romance, not productivity.
What To Buy Instead
The good news? There are plenty of alternatives that actually strengthen intimacy rather than killing it.
Think personal and thoughtful. Jewellery, perfume, lingerie, or experiences you can share all send the right message. These gifts say “I see you as desirable” rather than “I see you as useful”.
“Anything that makes your partner feel attractive, desired, or pampered is a winner,” Julia suggests. “A luxury bathrobe is intimate. A massage oil set opens doors for connection. Even something playful and cheeky can remind you both that your relationship is about more than just splitting the housework.”
If you really want to spice things up, consider adult toys designed for couples. They signal openness, playfulness, and a desire to prioritise pleasure together.
“People often feel shy about gifting something explicitly sexual, but done right, it can be incredibly connecting,” says Julia. “It shows you’re thinking about your intimate life together and want to invest in it. Just make sure it’s something you’ve discussed or that fits your dynamic.”
It all comes down to choosing something that makes your partner feel seen as a lover, not a domestic worker. Romance requires maintaining that separation between everyday practicality and intimate connection.
Julia says, “Gifts carry meaning beyond their function. When you hand your partner something designed for housework, you’re accidentally telling them that’s how you see their value. That perception seeps into the bedroom.
“The right gift reinforces desire and intimacy. It reminds your partner that you see them as attractive, interesting, and worth romancing. That mindset is what keeps passion alive long-term.
“Christmas is the perfect opportunity to invest in your intimate connection. Choose something that celebrates your partner as a lover, not a housemate, and watch how that shifts the energy between you.”
Having loved the written word as long as she can remember, Dana has written for I Am That Girl, Man of The Hour, and more. She’s far too comfortable on the open road and in airports. And she can be found on Instagram at honey.thyme or on Twitter at hazelnuthyme. She regularly uses one and tries to keep up with the other. If she’s not buried in a book, Dana can be found at the local coffeehouse, planning her next article or book chapter.
