employee missed work because of birthday drinking, manager scratches his butt before high-fiving us, and more

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives.

1. Employee missed work because of birthday drinking

An employee I manage called out today due to being hospitalized over the weekend for alcohol poisoning. The employee went out to celebrate their birthday over the weekend and overdid it on the partying. I realize this is out of work conduct; however, it is affecting the employee’s job because they called in to work. Do I have a leg to stand on if I have a serious conversation with the employee about their judgment and how this type of behavior could negatively effect their employment with our company?

If it just happened once, leave it alone. People are human and make mistakes, and until there’s evidence that this is part of a pattern, there’s no reason to assume that this person hasn’t learned their lesson (or even that there’s more to the story that you don’t know). I mean, the person ended up hospitalized. They probably realize it’s a big deal.

When someone makes a mistake and it’s clear to them that it’s a mistake and they’re already set on not repeating it in the future, there’s no need to lecture them about it. (The exception to this would be if the work day they missed as a result was particularly crucial – – like if they were supposed to be presenting at an important client meeting that day, in which case, yes, a serious conversation would be warranted.)

– 2019

2. My manager scratches his butt before high-fiving us

I am a supervisor for a retail store and work with a sales manager who is very big on high-fives as motivation. However, I have seen him many times scratch his butt and then go to high-five someone. If it was a one-off scratching a small itch, that would be one thing but it’s happened many times and it’s a full-on scratch (leg straight and into the crack scratch). The first time he tried to high-five me after I saw this, I hugged my hands to my chest and said I have a germaphobia about high-fives and getting sick. I do have a slight germaphobia (12 years in retail will do that) so it’s not a full-on lie, but the issue is now when my staff do something I can’t high-five them without him noticing. Is there another way to deal with this?

Do you have the kind of relationship where you could just be straightforward? As in, “I saw where your hand just was! No thanks.”

If not, then you’re going to have to stick with the germaphobia story, which you’ve already put out there anywhere. And yeah, that means you can’t high-five others.

But also, why is he prefacing all his high-fives with a butt scratch? This is weird indeed.

– 2018

3. My colleagues are late every week with edits to my work

As an executive assistant to the director of my division, I am responsible each week for a report on our major contracts. I gather information from various managers, consolidate their updates onto one document, and edit the updates so that the verbiage is clear and consistent. This report takes most of the week because there are always questions that my boss wants answered, as well as a lot of editing required on my part. Each Thursday I send the final draft to everyone and request initial edits by 1 p.m. on Friday. I NEVER get responses on time. They eventually turn them in, but it’s usually an hour or more past deadline. These edits really consist of a few sentences per contract and no more.

I ave tried to talk with management, to be a pest, and to move the deadline back and no matter what it’s turned in late. Please advise if you have a strategy for dealing with this. I have no authority over these people other than as the representative of my boss, and that clearly holds little weight.

They might actually need more time. Even though their edits are only a few sentences, they presumably have to read the whole thing and might need to chase down answers from their own staff, and they may have work that’s legitimately a higher priority that day.

If they’re getting their edits to you just an hour past the deadline, you might just need to mentally adjust the deadline in your head and think of it as being 2:00 rather than 1:00, if your own workflow will allow for that. If it won’t, then you could try sending their sections to them earlier if possible (if you’re able to send their piece of it before the entire document is ready), or talking to them to explain why you need it on time and what the impact is if you don’t get it (preferably an impact that it’ll be clear matters to your director rather than just to you, since they’re more likely to prioritize that). If that doesn’t work, you might need to talk to your boss about the timeline being too tight for people to turn around their edits in time. She might actually agree that they’re right to be prioritizing other things, or she might decide to use her authority to push them to prioritize this — but at that point, where you’ll have exhausted everything you can do on your own, that should be her call to make.

– 2018

4. Applying for a job with someone who asked me to leave a college job

In college, I wrote for a collegiate chapter of a national website. The national version of a website has an open position which matches my skillset pretty well. My one hesitation is that I was asked to leave the college chapter after a year. My editors sent me an email asking me to leave, citing a mutual feeling of disrespect and disinterest. I completely understood where they were coming from as I was unable to attend chapter meetings and keep up on my articles because of several group projects for my major, a volunteer position, a part-time job, and other obligations. Basically, I had too much going on and one thing was bound to fall through the cracks. Unfortunately, it was the website.

I fully accept that my overbooking is to blame for what happened and regret it deeply. I loved my time with the publication and still admire their work even after my spectacular screw-up. I really want to apply for this job because it’s one I could potentially really thrive in. One of the editors from my collegiate chapter works for the national website. After she asked me to leave, I did apologize and we have gotten along well when we’ve seen each other. While there is no lasting anger on my end, I’m not sure how she feels. Part of me wants to reach out and apologize again as well as give her a heads-up that I’m applying.

Should I even apply to this job? If I do apply, should I address this issue in my cover letter? How would I best go about explaining the situation? And what’s your opinion on reaching out to my former editor? I don’t want to seem like a selfish jerk but I also can’t stand the idea of someone hating me (even if I do kind of deserve it).

Yeah, that might be a deal-breaker, unfortunately. Having the person who had to ask you to leave now working at the place you’re applying … is not great for your chances. (Although it could also depend on how long ago that was and what you’re done since then.)

I wouldn’t address this in your cover letter; that’s way too much focus on your downsides for a cover letter. But I do think that if you’re considering applying, you’d need to reach out to the editor who asked you to leave and let her know. Acknowledge that you were overextended in college and took on too much, and say that you’ve learned a lot since then and are hoping to be able to demonstrate that if you get an interview. If you just apply without contacting her first and acknowledging what happened, it’s going to look tone-deaf or like you’re oblivious to why it matters.

Honestly, there’s still a good chance it’ll remain a deal-breaker, but that’s likely your best shot at it.

– 2019

5. How do I explain in an interview that I don’t like working with other people?

I’m an entry-level worker looking to move into a new job. Most entry-level positions are very customer-oriented and I really DO NOT like working with people. I am introverted, but more importantly, I have bad social anxiety. Dealing with people regularly would lead to exhaustion at best, panic attacks at worst. Either way, it would be awkward for everyone.

I don’t want to disclose having social anxiety in an interview, but I want to make it clear I want very limited customer interaction. I know that just saying “I don’t like people” or “I don’t want to handle customers” would get a bad reaction. Is there a way to spin it into something neutral or even positive?

For what it’s worth, I can be cordial with other people, like coworkers. I’m just a withdrawn person and would like to work independently.

First and foremost, make sure that you’re doing your best to screen jobs well before you apply, and make sure that you’re only applying for things that already look like pretty solitary jobs. Then, in the interview, ask about it directly: “My sense from the job posting is that this is relatively solitary work, without a ton of interaction with others. Is that correct?” Assuming they say yes, you can say something like this: “I know that a lot of people go stir-crazy in jobs without a lot of interaction, but I really enjoy working on my own so that element of the job is appealing to me.” For the right job, that’ll be appealing to the hiring manager; often the worry when hiring for solitary jobs is that the person will get bored or antsy for social contact, so hearing you say that you prefer working on your own is likely to be a plus.

– 2016