Romance heroes used to smolder. Now, it feels as though half of them want to hold your purse while you process your feelings, and the other half want to handcuff you to a headboard and call it forever. Somewhere along the way, much of desire in romance split into two extremes—one soft, one savage—and I’m not loving it.
Everywhere you look, today’s heroes are either quietly, almost reverently devoted to the heroine, or they want to possess her completely. It’s golden retrievers and mafiosos, and very little in between.
The golden retriever hero is gentle in temperament but not passive. He doesn’t posture or intimidate. He just wants her—fully—and he’s often remarkably good at showing it. In bed, he takes charge. He’s confident, generous, and in complete control, but always in the service of her needs. His own pleasure is present but secondary. What makes him sexy isn’t aggression; it’s certainty. He knows what she likes, and he’s happy to give it to her. His appeal comes from how safe he makes the heroine feel—and how hard he works to earn her trust and care for her happiness. He’s competent, tender, and endlessly patient. In today’s world, that fantasy is both powerful and pervasive.
At the opposite end of the spectrum is the mafioso fantasy. This man doesn’t wait. He doesn’t wonder. His desire is immediate and absolute. He may be violent. He may be controlling. But he wants the heroine so badly that he’ll protect her from anyone and anything—often with methods that raise eyebrows and blood pressure. He doesn’t just claim her; he restructures the world around her. These heroes do not court. They decide. And while their behavior would be deeply alarming in real life, they hold a steady grip on the genre’s imagination. Their appeal isn’t subtle. It’s blunt and consuming, the kind of fantasy that leaves no room for doubt.
It’s not hard to understand why these extremes have taken hold. Both offer the heroine—and the reader—a version of certainty. One provides sanctuary. The other offers obsession. Neither makes us wait to find out if the heroine is desired. That part is settled from the beginning.
But lately I’ve started to wonder whether these fantasy structures, however satisfying they can be, also flatten something essential. In both cases, the hero’s desire is so complete, so singular, that the emotional balance starts to tip. When his every action exists to serve or dominate, where does that leave his own longing, his agency, his risk? Desire, when it works, isn’t one-directional. It’s not just a spotlight fixed on the heroine. It’s a connection between two people—uneven at times, yes, but mutual. When the fantasy removes that tension, it may still be hot, but it feels somehow off.
So I want to know: who are the heroes that got under your skin lately? Are you a fan of either type of hero? If so, can you share a few you love? You hate? And do you think I’m onto something here or, and this is always possible, delusional? Lemme know.
Next week, we’ll talk heroines. But this week, I want to hear about the men.
The post the ask@AAR: The Ask@AAR: From Soft to Savage—What’s Hot in Heroes Now? appeared first on All About Romance.
