Mediation for Christmas – Your Solution to Resolving Family Dispute Around The Holiday.
How can separated couple and blended families work together over the Christmas season to find solutions to where the children aren’t torn between parents and everyone as a result suffers? Some parents will use the Christmas plans to control some time with the children and the other parent which is heartbreaking when ultimately all the children want. The Aspire Mediation team share their best advice to help you stay on the same track and ensure the festive memories are full of joy rather than despair.
SOME QUESTIONS THAT MAY ARISE
- Are you taking turns over Christmas Day, whose turn is it this year?
- Are you able to split the time, who will have the children at what time?
- If you ae sharing the kids on Christmas day what is the fairest way to split it?
- When is Santa visiting? Can you agree on plans for the special moments in advance?
- Is there any arrangement for travel that need to be considered?
- What are the childcare arrangements for the school holidays?
- Are there any other family members that you plan to see?
2. TRY NOT TO MAKE PROMISES YOU CANNOT KEEP
Most parents want to make sure their children have everything at Christmas, however the urge to “out do” each other can create more pain and conflict than happy memories. It is important to make sure that you are working together to ensure you aren’t making promises you aren’t able to provide or afford. Decide to agree between you as co-parents before you tell the children what’s going to happen so they don’t end up feeling overlooked or disappointed when their wants and needs aren’t heard.
3. AGREE ON GIFTS, EVEN WHEN BUYING SEPARATELY
The gifts you hope to give the children should be discussed in any parenting plan, especially at Christmas; whether gifting together or separately having a spending limit , communication is key. Don’t find yourself using Christmas presents as an opportunity to gain favour with the children, boundaries and plans can help avoid sour what should be a magical time for everyone.
What presents you aim to give your children needs to be included in your plan, It is important for parents discuss and decide if they’re still going to give presents together, or if they’re going to set a spending limit for gifting separately. Creating these boundaries will help the children understand that you are still able to work together as parents peacefully.
4. MAKE STRONG PLANS AND STICK TO THEM
By settling up plans in advance and creating a schedule you will all know where you stand, what events and occasions you will be attending and when you will have the children. By doing this, everyone will know where they stand, including Grandparents or extended family. This helps avoid conflict and arguments at a time that is meant to be special and full of happy memories.
5. CONSIDER TAKING CHRISTMAS IN TURNS
If relationships have truly broken down, some parents might find it easier to agree to take it in turns to spend the day, or the Christmas period, with their children every other year. .This means you are able to share the festive period and make sure it is a a fair solution for everyone, but also beyond this plan ahead for the following years to help the child to understand that if the child has gone to mum this year, they’re going to be with day next year or visa versa. Make sure it’s firmly set for them, and the children know exactly what’s going on.
6. HOLD AN ALTERNATIVE CHRISTMAS
Work schedules, blended families and other loved ones in the mix at Christmas can mean that sometimes the solution is to consider having two separate special days so the children do not feel torn by being with one family or other loved ones on a particular day.
Consider arranging another Christmas morning a week later with stockings, gifts and memories entirely separate from your ex-partner so your child feels that they have to pick one parent over the other.
7. PUT THE KIDS FIRST
It is an unfortunate fact that during a separation emotions run high and the bitterness can create huge divides even around small parenting decisions. By remaining focused on the needs and wants of the children and not the adults, you will find that decisions and plans are much easier to make. Put aside your personal emotions and opinions and keep the outcome focused on the kids
8. TRY TO COMPROMISE
Setting up any plans will require compromise from both parents and we would encourage parents to work on solutions which will works best for the children instead of what the adults what. The best case scenario is that everyone can agree without much hassle, however in many cases animosity and bitterness can cloud these decisions. Focus on the bigger picture and the long term relationship rather than your immediate wants to work to find solutions for everyone.
9. WHEN YOU CANNOT AGREE – LOOK TO MEDIATION
When it comes to difficulties over agreeing the details of important family events mediation is able to offer solutions and options from a neutral perspective instead of through a lens of their needs. Aspire Family Mediation can help you to work together to view your disputes with a focus of the children instead of the adults and help mediation for Christmas plans work to find you a solution when you cannot agree.
Child Inclusive mediation for Christmas with older children allows them to be a part of the conversation and speak to a mediation about what they want. This can be incredibly insightful for parents when they understand through a neutral third party how the disputes are impacting them, what they are going through and what they want. In many situations children don’t feel able to share their wants with their parents for fear of upsetting one or being seen as “taking sides” Having the opportunity to communicate their opinions and feelings with an outside party who can help their voice be heard can resolve many of the disagreements you may be facing.
By working together to find a child focused solution for everyone, mediation for Christmas plans allows you to create the most magical memories at this special time of the year. Speak to our team today to begin your mediation on planning your families holiday arrangements early.
