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<\/a><\/figure>\nI remember the day I hit rock bottom as a mom. Tired of struggling with comparison, self-defeat, and my cruel inner critic, I desperately wanted and needed things to change. But I didn\u2019t know what changes were needed until I got brave enough to ask Jesus to show me.<\/p>\n
I started asking Him to help me turn my self-defeat into self-awareness when I found myself in a downward spiral and would often borrow King David\u2019s vulnerable and courageous prayer: <\/p>\n
\u201cSearch me, O God, and know my heart; test my thoughts. Point out anything you find in me that makes you sad, and lead me along the path of everlasting life\u201d (Ps. 139:23\u201324 TLB). <\/em><\/p>\n Praying these words was my way of inviting God into the process of examining my thoughts, emotions, and actions to see if there were any patterns causing me to sabotage my joy and purpose, especially as a mom. And I discovered that God is gracious and willing to give us wisdom and clarity when we ask Him for it (Prov. 2:6; James 1:5).<\/p>\n In my book, A <\/a>Confident Mom<\/a>,<\/em><\/strong> I share how it became clear over time that I had to make changes but most importantly, be willing to change. One of the things I learned the hard way is that when I am having a super stressful day, I need to stop and evaluate what I\u2019m doing and why I\u2019m doing it. <\/p>\n Pausing my agenda long enough to ask myself if something needs to be adjusted in our schedule or if I need to pivot my plans to make things better\u2014for myself and my kids\u2014is always a good idea. I also need to ask myself what my children are capable of at their age and with their unique wiring and build in consideration for what will set them and me up for success. That comes from a place of love\u2014a place of loving my kids and loving myself enough to want things to go well and to want our day to be a positive experience for us all. <\/p>\n This is a much better place than plowing through our day, fueled by my desire to knock out my to-do list and get errands run so I could enjoy my free time the next day. Now, I\u2019m not saying that needing and enjoying free time is wrong. It is absolutely good and beautiful, but when it causes my kids and me to experience super high levels of stress that lead to me losing my temper and wanting to call it quits, something needs to be adjusted.<\/p>\n I have good days and bad days when it comes to doing the wisest thing. On my good days, I\u2019ve learned to take time to sit with Jesus and ask Him to help me do what my husband calls a \u201cretrospective\u201d to identify where things got off track so I can gain wisdom and self-awareness.<\/p>\n Here are some questions I ask myself.<\/p>\n Expectations<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Behavior Patterns<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Healthy self-awareness is crucial to becoming a confident mom, but we need to recognize the risk of self-defeat and ask these questions with Jesus by our side. <\/p>\n I always ask the Lord to give me wisdom and clarity and to silence condemnation and confusion. Then I write down a condensed version of these questions in my journal with my answers. When we write things down, we are more likely to find out what is going on inside us by looking at our feelings and the facts.<\/p>\n It is also extremely helpful to see it all on paper instead of it being jumbled in our heads. Seeing it on paper is the only way I can look at what I\u2019m doing and notice if there are things I need to change or factors I need to consider. Being able to compare hard days over a period of time helps me notice patterns in my behavior and in my kids\u2019 behaviors.<\/p>\n Unrealistic expectations, mom-guilt, self-shaming, doubt, and comparisons all fuel my cruel inner critic and get the best of me. When that happens, my kids get the worst of me. But by God\u2019s grace, I\u2019ve discovered how to make the best of a bad situation by learning and growing from it.<\/p>\n You are going to have bad days, but they do not make you a bad mom. They can actually help make you a wise mom. When you start sinking in self-defeat, turn it into self-awareness by taking time to look at the facts and learn from them, without labeling yourself for them.<\/p>\n And on those days when your inner critic gets loud and mean, take that wisdom and self-awareness you are gaining to a whole new level by comparing what you are saying to yourself with what God\u2019s Word says in response.<\/p>\n When You Say . . .<\/em> <\/strong> God\u2019s Word Says . . <\/em><\/strong>.<\/em> When You Say . . .<\/em> <\/strong> God\u2019s Word Says .<\/em><\/strong> . .<\/em> When You Say<\/strong> . . .<\/em> God\u2019s Word Says .<\/em><\/strong><\/em> . .<\/em> This post is an excerpt from A <\/a>Confident Mom<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/em> by Renee Swope, copyright 2022, Baker Publishing Group.<\/p>\n \t\t\t\n<\/div>\nMaking Adjustments<\/strong><\/h2>\n
In Retrospect<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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With Jesus by Our Side<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Bad Days Don\u2019t Make You a Bad Mom<\/h2>\n
No matter how hard I try, it\u2019s never enough.<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cThe humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God\u2019s help be encouraged.\u201d Psalm 69:32 NLT<\/p>\n
I\u2019m such a bad mom.<\/em><\/p>\n
Your statutes are wonderful; therefore I obey them. The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. Psalm 119:129\u201330<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t stop doubting my parenting decisions.<\/em><\/p>\n
For the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from being caught<\/em>. Proverbs 3:26 NASB<\/p>\n
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