\n<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve heard the phrase \u201cman up\u201d a lot over the years, and I\u2019m ashamed to say I\u2019ve also said it once or twice, back in the day. All the more reason to write this article, because we need to move away from such phrases and embrace a more inclusive way of being.<\/p>\n
\nTo make an effort to deal with something (such as an obligation or a challenge) in a way that is considered strong or manly<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Merriam-Webster dictionary<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n
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The phrases \u201cman up\u201d and \u201cmanning up\u201d typically imply the expectation that men (and people who identify as male) exhibit traditional masculine traits such as strength, emotional stoicism<\/a><\/span>, and self-reliance.<\/p>\n
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Thus, cultural masculinity, which personifies the \u201cman up\u201d phrase, is the pressure to exist in ways that are stuck in rigid, society-defined, sex-appropriate ways (Kilmartin<\/a><\/span>, 2005), but that doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s appropriate for us, or anyone else, for that matter.<\/p>\n
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However, these expectations<\/a><\/span> to conform can lead to several issues. The phrase \u201cman up\u201d is a harmful and outdated social norm that can have a negative impact on men\u2019s mental health and wellbeing. It promotes a narrow and unrealistic view of masculinity that can lead to men (and people who identify as male) suppressing<\/a><\/span> their emotions, avoiding seeking help, and feeling ashamed of their vulnerabilities.<\/p>\n
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The issues with the phrase \u201cman up\u201d:<\/p>\n
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Suppression of emotions<\/strong><\/h4>\n
The expectation<\/a><\/span> to \u201cman up\u201d can encourage men or people who identify as male to bottle up their emotions, such as sadness, grief<\/a><\/span>, and fear<\/a><\/span>. That it\u2019s somehow wrong to show vulnerability. The consequences of this can lead to emotional distress, increased stress<\/a><\/span>, and difficulty forming healthy relationships. It can also mean such people will suffer in silence rather than seeking the help they need.<\/p>\n
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Avoidance of help-seeking<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Men and people who identify as male may hesitate to seek help from their social support network<\/a><\/span> or professional help for mental health issues or other challenges due to the fear of being perceived as weak or not \u201cmanly\u201d. This can delay treatment and hinder recovery.<\/p>\n
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Because of this, it reinforces the idea that certain traits or behaviours, such as avoiding vulnerability or seeking help, are unmasculine, perpetuating harmful stereotypes and behaviours. AKA, causes the development of a toxic masculinity<\/a><\/span> worldview.<\/p>\n
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It goes without saying that avoiding seeking support, medical help, or ignoring health concerns due to the pressure to \u201cman up\u201d can be extremely detrimental to that person\u2019s wellbeing and quality of life, but can also affect the people around them.<\/p>\n
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Mental health stigma<\/strong><\/h4>\n
One of the reasons I started this blog was to help challenge mental health stigma, because although it has got better since I was a child, there is still stigma regarding mental health. Such societal pressure to \u201cman up\u201d may contribute to that stigma around men seeking help for mental health issues, leading to underreporting and untreated conditions.<\/p>\n
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A problem that is made even harder in the US because of how its healthcare system works.<\/p>\n
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Shaming of vulnerabilities<\/strong><\/h4>\n
These kinds of phrases can contribute to a culture of shame<\/a><\/span> and stigma surrounding men and people who identify as male, emotional expression and vulnerability. This can prevent men from seeking support from others and can isolate them from their social support network<\/a><\/span>. Shame<\/a><\/span> is a very powerful emotion.<\/p>\n
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Limited expression<\/strong><\/h4>\n
The notion of \u201cmanning up\u201d can restrict men and people who identify as male from embracing a full range of emotions and behaviours, limiting our ability to connect deeply in relationships or experience emotional fulfilment. It\u2019s a form of masking<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n
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When has it ever helped any of us to ignore individual differences in trauma<\/a><\/span>, thought patterns, brain chemistry, and life experiences that profoundly shape reactions?<\/p>\n
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One of the main issues with \u201cmanning up\u201d and masculinity is the fear that comes with deviating from these unhelpful male norms, where people fear the loss of status and power (Schlichthorst, King, Reifels, Phelps, and Pirkis<\/a><\/span>, 2019), or being seen as somehow weak.<\/p>\n
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Unrealistic expectations<\/strong><\/h4>\n
The concept of \u201cmanning up\u201d promotes an unrealistic and unattainable standard of masculinity. Men and people who identify as male may feel inadequate or insecure if they don\u2019t meet these expectations<\/a><\/span>, leading to self-esteem<\/a><\/span> issues and low self-worth.<\/p>\n
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When we have the idea in our heads that we must be pillars of physical and mental strength who never struggle imposes unfair expectations<\/a><\/span>. Parents, both male and female, can often find themselves doing this as well for the sake of the family, which also isn\u2019t healthy.<\/p>\n
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Denying and hiding from our struggles doesn\u2019t even make us strong; tackling them is where we build resilience<\/a><\/span>, rather than pretending they don\u2019t exist. Plus, why should we be bound by someone else\u2019s idea of what it is to be male?\u00a0<\/p>\n
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Abuse<\/strong><\/h4>\n
All that repression and denial about the struggles of men and people who identify as male doesn\u2019t make these unwanted intrusive thoughts<\/a><\/span> and feelings go away. They often come out in other ways, and those other ways are rarely healthy. What\u2019s worse is that it can lead to excuses for abusive anger<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n
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The \u201cman up\u201d attitude is sometimes a rationalisation for risky behaviours, aggression toward self\/others, and domination mindsets rooted in avoidance of fragility. This is toxic masculinity<\/a><\/span>, when what we want is\u00a0growth. While resilience<\/a><\/span> has merits, the common usage of \u201cman up\u201d promotes repression over health.<\/p>\n
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Reinforces outdated gender roles<\/strong><\/h4>\n
There is no one way to be a man, to be a woman, to be a person. I grew up during a time when there was a huge push to ditch gender roles completely, but unfortunately, decades later, this is still an issue. And in certain countries, it\u2019s even the basis of a culture war, for some reason. Where certain people are trying to put men and women back in their gender role boxes and close the lid.<\/p>\n
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Why are we trying to create a world that lacks compassion and nuance? How does trivialising complex personal issues as temporary setbacks that can be willed away help anyone?<\/p>\n
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\u201cMan Up\u201d Masculine Norms<\/h2>\n
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Here\u2019s a list of the unhealthy masculine norms that currently plague us at the moment, according to Mahalik et al<\/a><\/span>. (2003) and as outlined in the study by Iwamoto, Cheng, Lee, Takamatsu, and Gordon<\/a><\/span> (2011):<\/p>\n
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\n
- Winning: Striving to win at all costs.<\/li>\n
- Playboy: Showboating our sexual prowess.<\/li>\n
- Emotional control: Controlling one\u2019s emotions.<\/li>\n
- Risk-taking: Engaging in risk-taking behaviours.<\/li>\n
- Violence: An inclination towards physical aggression.<\/li>\n
- Dominance: Asserting influence over situations.<\/li>\n
- Self-reliance: Proclivity towards unhealthy levels of independence.<\/li>\n
- Work: Regarding work as the main priority in life.<\/li>\n
- Man of the house: Controlling women.<\/li>\n
- Heterosexual presentation: Aversion to being perceived by others as being gay.<\/li>\n
- Status: The desire to be important in society.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
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This is a problem on many levels, because men and people who identify as male can also try to overcompensate for their fragile masculinity by becoming risk-takers (Schlichthorst, King, Reifels, Phelps, and Pirkis<\/a><\/span>, 2019), and by acting more aggressively.<\/p>\n
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Why It\u2019s Important To Ditch Harmful Phrases Like \u201cMap Up\u201d<\/h2>\n
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Unfortunately, social norms influence people in what ways we should behave. While in some cases that is fine, like following the law (if it makes sense, so not stuff like slavary which was legal), when it forces us into gender roles, then it\u2019s a problem. Unhealthy masculine roles in society can increase these unhealthy ways of being, getting adopted by others, both by men and women.<\/p>\n
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When I was growing up, men wearing pink was unthinkable; yer pink started out as a boys\u2019 colour and blue was for girls, until those were switched in the 1940s (Maglaty<\/a><\/span>, 2011; and LoBue and DeLoache<\/a><\/span>, 2011). In the last decade, men in pink shirts and pink ties have become common.<\/p>\n
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Pink is also one of my favourite colours. But when you\u2019re brought up on a diet of how we think men \u201cshould\u201d be, it can be a tough thing to unlearn. So when we\u2019re told \u201cboys don\u2019t cry\u201d, this can become incorporated into what is expected<\/a><\/span> of us as a man (Mahalik et al<\/a><\/span>., 2003), which sucks.<\/p>\n
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One of the main ways to see the concept of \u201cmanning up\u201d and the unhealthy masculine culture that exists is in how we consume alcohol. A study by Iwamoto, Cheng, Lee, Takamatsu, and Gordon<\/a><\/span> (2011) looked into drinking culture among American college students and noted that men faced elevated risks of problematic drinking and negative alcohol-related consequences when compared to female college students. Because there was a culture of excessive drinking.<\/p>\n
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This echoes my own personal experience, where there\u2019s more of an expectation for young men to drink heavily and be able to hold their drink. At the time, I was very much part of this problem as well. But now that I\u2019m more mature, I\u2019m the exact opposite. I encourage and support people to only drink what they want to drink and to stick to their limits.<\/p>\n
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Evidence shows time and again that depressive<\/a><\/span> symptoms in men are too often undiagnosed and untreated, because men find it hard to articulate their inner struggles, and because of the unhealthy expectations<\/a><\/span> of masculinity (Emslie, Ridge, Ziebland, and Hunt<\/a><\/span>, 2006).<\/p>\n
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It\u2019s also important to know that because of these outdated masculine ideas that come with a \u201cman up\u201d culture, depression<\/a><\/span> can manifest in different ways than it does in women.<\/p>\n
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For men, it can show up in a bad temper and aggression, as this is one of the few \u201cacceptable\u201d emotional outlets for a manly man, which also means there\u2019s a risk of abusive behaviours<\/a><\/span>, getting overly involved in work (or sports), and sexual risk-taking and other risk-taking behaviours (Kilmartin<\/a><\/span>, 2005).<\/p>\n
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Globally, there is gender inequality when it comes to suicide<\/a><\/span>. Australia is no different, with male suicide<\/a><\/span> being three times higher than female suicide<\/a><\/span>, and this discrepancy has been suggested to be caused by masculinity, or the rules prescribed by societal norms about how men should live their lives (Schlichthorst, King, Turnure, Sukunesan, Phelps, and Pirkis<\/a><\/span>, 2018).<\/p>\n
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Things can get more complicated for men and people who identify as male when eating disorders<\/a><\/span> come into the mix, as historically, eating disorders<\/a><\/span> have been seen as a female condition.<\/p>\n
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As someone who has struggled with an eating disorder<\/a><\/span> in one form or another for the last 26-odd years, it can be hard to get male eating disorders<\/a><\/span> to be taken seriously. This was also the case for Daniel Magson and his bulimia<\/a><\/span> battle, an article I saw in Men\u2019s Health<\/a><\/span>, which I wrote about in an article for my blog: One Man\u2019s Battle With Bulimia: An Article Discussion<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n
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When we create the idea that men and women should act in certain ways, we create a barrier for men and women to act in ways that differ from this expectation<\/a><\/span>. With traditional gender roles and stereotypes, we expect men to be emotionless and strong, while women are seen as emotional.<\/p>\n
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Thus, for men to be emotional is to be like a woman, which just isn\u2019t true. But it gets worse when we subscribe to these views: men are meant to be the breadwinner while women are meant to be mothers, but again, that\u2019s not the world we live in.<\/p>\n
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Some women love sports and play sport professionally, and some men don\u2019t like sport and don\u2019t even like playing sports at all. But that has no bearing on what gender a person is, yet some people in society still struggle with this, which is mind-blowing.<\/p>\n
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Because some men and people who identify as male may find themselves trapped by outdated ideas of masculinity, they may be told to just \u201cman up\u201d; men can then find themselves having to cope in unhealthy ways, such as drinking, which can quickly turn into substance dependency<\/a><\/span> issues (Kilmartin<\/a><\/span>, 2005). How many households suffered at the hands of broken veterans after World War II who turned to drink to deal with their trauma<\/a><\/span>?<\/p>\n
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Ditching \u201cMan Up\u201d<\/h2>\n
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Encouraging a more inclusive definition of masculinity that values emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and seeking support can help address these issues. Although I\u2019d argue that ditching gender roles altogether is where we really need to be.<\/p>\n
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Emphasising the importance of being emotionally open, seeking help when needed, and promoting healthy coping mechanisms<\/a><\/span> can create a more supportive environment for men and people who identify as male concerning their mental and emotional health.<\/p>\n
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Instead of using phrases like \u201cman up\u201d, consider using more supportive and inclusive language that encourages men and people who identify as male to express their emotions, seek help when needed, and embrace their vulnerabilities. After all, that\u2019s the bravest thing we can do. Here are some examples of more constructive alternatives:<\/p>\n
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\u201cBe strong in the way that is best for you\u201d<\/strong><\/h4>\n
The idea that men and people who identify as being male can only be seen as strong by following this outdated and extremely narrow understanding of what it means to be a \u201cman\u201d is ludicrous. There are many, many ways to be strong.<\/p>\n
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By using a phrase like \u201cBe strong in the way that is best for you\u201d, it acknowledges that strength comes in different forms and encourages men and people in general to find their own path to resilience<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n
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By redefining strength to include nonjudgmental processing of struggles lifts heavy gender constraints. We all benefit when seeking help is encouraged, not stigmatised as weakness. After all, there\u2019s no reason why there should be one definition of being a \u201cman\u201d; there\u2019s no reason we should have these male and female roles at all.<\/p>\n
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The LGBTQIA+ community<\/a><\/span> has a strength no toxic masculine male could ever have, as they\u2019re normally the most fragile among us. I envy the ability to be as free to be true to themselves as many people in the LGBTQIA+ community<\/a><\/span> in the face of some very extreme discrimination. I have a friend who\u2019s a drag king<\/a><\/span>, and I wish I could think, fuck it, and be that free like they are. They don\u2019t mask<\/a><\/span> for anyone.<\/p>\n
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When I get asked why I paint my nails black, something I don\u2019t do as often as I used to, I\u2019d often come back to how it takes strength to step outside that masculine box that limits our quality of life.<\/p>\n
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By challenging adherence to these dominant yet outdated masculine norms, we can help increase men\u2019s (and people who identify as male) willingness to seek help when they\u2019re struggling, and reduce the much higher male suicide<\/a><\/span> rates (Schlichthorst, King, Reifels, Phelps, and Pirkis<\/a><\/span>, 2019).<\/p>\n
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\u201cBe yourself\u201d<\/strong><\/h4>\n
There\u2019s only one us, and while it\u2019s fine to want to be the best version of us, as growth should be a lifelong goal<\/a><\/span>, being ourselves also encourages men and everyone else to embrace their authentic selves, regardless of societal expectations<\/a><\/span>. I often have this conversation with my clients, as masking<\/a><\/span>, for whatever reason, drains our spoons<\/a><\/span> and hinders our chances at being happy<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n
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There is no right or wrong way to be a man, to be a woman, to be a person. If we can\u2019t change a car tyre, that doesn\u2019t somehow mean we\u2019re not a man. How arbitrary is that? This isn\u2019t 1950s America, where men spend their free time working on a car rather than spending quality time with their family.<\/p>\n
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We need to stop propagating harmful gender stereotypes and gender roles, and finish what started when I was a child, and abolish these altogether.<\/p>\n
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\u201cSeek help when you need it\u201d<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Men often see seeking help as a measure of weakness or failure, but this stoic behaviour can have lethal consequences and can increase the likelihood of