{"id":7070834,"date":"2026-09-30T20:59:42","date_gmt":"2026-09-30T20:59:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/som2nypost.com\/?p=7070834"},"modified":"2026-09-30T20:59:42","modified_gmt":"2026-09-30T20:59:42","slug":"the-mind-and-you-the-biggest-illusion-of-your-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/som2nypost.com\/?p=7070834","title":{"rendered":"The mind and you: The biggest illusion of your life"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In January 2015, I don\u2019t think I got a single good night of sleep.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My grandmother had been in the hospital while I was away on a New Year\u2019s vacation with my girlfriend at the time. My family back home hadn\u2019t told me how serious the situation was. After my grandmother passed away, my mind kept going back to the same question:<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>What if I hadn\u2019t gone on that vacation?<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The relationship wasn\u2019t in a good place either. So that created a new set of questions. What if I had ended it earlier? What if I stayed? What if I ended up alone?<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My job also felt wrong. I was dealing with a teammate who was backstabbing me, and I kept thinking: What if I had seen it earlier? What if I quit? What would a hole in my r\u00e9sum\u00e9 do to my career?<\/p>\n<p> <span id=\"more-17324\"\/><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And then my mind moved further into the future.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>What if I keep living like this? Where will I end up?<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One thought created another. The past gave me regret, the future gave me fear, and the present disappeared somewhere in between.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I remember thinking: There must be a better way of dealing with your thoughts. This can\u2019t be it. This is no way to live.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There <em>is<\/em> a better way.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You stop assuming that every thought is true, important, or worthy of your attention. You learn to observe what your mind produces without immediately becoming part of it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That\u2019s the main idea I want to share with you: You have a mind, but you are not every thought that appears in it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Your mind will create fear, memories, plans, judgments, fantasies, and worst-case scenarios all day. You can\u2019t stop every thought from appearing. But you can decide whether you will follow it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That small space between noticing a thought and following it can change your life.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Your mind keeps offering stories<\/h2>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A thought often feels like reality because it appears in your own voice:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><em>You should\u2019ve known better.<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>This will probably go wrong.<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>You\u2019re falling behind.<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>What if you never find another job or relationship?<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The mind says these things with confidence. And when you don\u2019t create any distance, you start living according to them. You delay a decision, stay in a situation that doesn\u2019t work, lose sleep, or mentally replay something that can\u2019t be changed.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But where did the thought come from? Did you choose it? Did you carefully examine the facts and reach a conclusion?<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Usually, no. It simply appeared.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This doesn\u2019t mean you should ignore your mind. Some thoughts are useful. They point to a real problem, help you make a decision, or show you what needs to change.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The goal is to stop treating every thought the same way.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When you notice yourself drifting into another loop, ask:<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Is this thought useful?<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If it helps you solve a problem or take action, use it. If it only creates another hour of worry, let it pass and return to what you\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That\u2019s what I meant when I wrote <a href=\"https:\/\/dariusforoux.com\/stop-spending-time-in-your-head\/\">Stop Spending So Much Time in Your Head<\/a> in 2016. Your mind is a tool. It should help you live. You shouldn\u2019t spend your whole life trapped inside it.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What did the Stoics understand about thoughts?<\/h2>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I knew a little about Stoicism and mindfulness in 2015. I had read about those ideas, but I hadn\u2019t studied them deeply and I certainly wasn\u2019t applying them consistently.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Epictetus wrote this in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.perseus.tufts.edu\/hopper\/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0237%3Atext%3Denc%3Achapter%3D5\"><em>The Enchiridion<\/em><\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cMen are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of things.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That line doesn\u2019t mean painful events are imaginary. Loss hurts. Betrayal hurts. Uncertainty can keep you awake.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But the mind often adds a second layer. Something happens, and then you create ten stories about what it means, what should\u2019ve happened, and what might happen next.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That was exactly what I was doing in January 2015. I was dealing with real pain, but I also kept feeding it with one <em>what if<\/em> after another.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The Stoics trained themselves to examine what they called impressions. A thought, feeling, or first reaction could appear without permission. Their responsibility was to decide whether they agreed with it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You can do the same. When your mind says, \u201cEverything is going wrong,\u201d you don\u2019t have to argue for an hour. Pause and look at the thought.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Is everything going wrong? Or are two parts of your life difficult right now?<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That question gives you perspective.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Pain finally forced me to change<\/h2>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I believe change often comes from pain.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If your job is okay, you can stay there for years. You\u2019re not happy, but you can deal with it. If a relationship isn\u2019t good but also isn\u2019t terrible, you keep postponing the decision. You tell yourself it will probably get better.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That middle position is dangerous because you can tolerate it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But sometimes several things come together. You experience a loss, your relationship ends, work becomes unbearable, or you get fired. The pain becomes too large to ignore, and it forces you to move.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That\u2019s what happened to me. Everything came together, and I reached a point where I felt I had nothing to lose. I thought, <em>Screw everything. I\u2019m going to quit my job, move back in with my parents, and rebuild myself from the beginning.<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And that\u2019s what I did.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Observing your thoughts doesn\u2019t mean you become passive. Sometimes you notice that the same thought keeps returning because you refuse to deal with a real problem.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The skill is knowing the difference between a useless loop and a message that requires action.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWhat if I ruin my career?\u201d kept me frozen. \u201cThis job and life no longer work for me\u201d helped me make a decision.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One created more fear; The other gave me a direction.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How do you create distance from your thoughts?<\/h2>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Understanding this idea helps, but you need to practice it. I use a few different ways to maintain that distance.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Write down what\u2019s in your mind<\/h3>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Journaling has been one of my most useful practices because a thought changes when you put it on paper. You can see what you\u2019re saying instead of hearing the same sentence repeat in your head.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Write the thought exactly as it appears. Then ask:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Is this true?<\/li>\n<li>Is it within my control?<\/li>\n<li>Does it require action?<\/li>\n<li>What\u2019s the next thing I can do?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You\u2019ll often notice that the thought is vague. \u201cMy career is going nowhere\u201d feels enormous. \u201cI need to have a conversation with my manager\u201d gives you something concrete to do.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Practice awareness during ordinary moments<\/h3>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Mindfulness doesn\u2019t have to mean sitting cross-legged for an hour. You can practice while walking, working, eating, or talking to someone.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Notice when your attention leaves the present. Then return to what\u2019s in front of you. Feel your feet while you walk. Listen to the person who is talking. Read the sentence on the screen instead of thinking about tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The practice is the return. You will drift again. Fine. Notice it and return again.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Use meditation if it works for you<\/h3>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Meditation is one way to train awareness, but it isn\u2019t the only way. I\u2019ve tried it during different periods of my life, and it hasn\u2019t always worked well for me.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Maybe you benefit from ten minutes of sitting quietly. Maybe you get the same distance through journaling, exercise, a long walk, or simply doing one thing without your phone.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Use the practice that helps you observe without getting pulled into every thought.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Act when the thought points to reality<\/h3>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You can\u2019t journal your way out of every problem. If you\u2019re in the wrong job, relationship, or environment, awareness should eventually lead to a decision.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Don\u2019t use mindfulness to tolerate a life you know you need to change.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">First observe, then decide, then act.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">You never fully master your mind<\/h2>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s now about 11 and a half years since that period in 2015. I\u2019ve spent those years writing about practical philosophy, thinking, mindfulness, and Stoicism. And I still don\u2019t feel like I\u2019ve mastered my mind.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I don\u2019t think there will ever be a point when the training is finished.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Your mind keeps playing tricks on you. It pulls you toward fear, regret, distraction, and chaos. When you stop paying attention, you slowly lose the distance you worked to create.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The same thing happens with your health. You can be in excellent shape, but if you stop moving and stop watching what you eat, your condition changes. You don\u2019t get to keep fitness forever because you trained hard ten years ago.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Mental awareness works the same way. If you stop journaling, reflecting, or practicing mindfulness, you become more likely to get lost in your thoughts again. You forget that you\u2019re observing the mind and start believing the illusion that every thought is <em>you<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So keep training. The next time your mind starts another chain of <em>what ifs<\/em>, don\u2019t try to answer every question. Notice what\u2019s happening and ask whether the thought is useful.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If it points to an action, take it. If it only pulls you further away from reality, come back to the life in front of you.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You will have to do that for the rest of your life.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And that\u2019s fine.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">All the best.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">-Darius<\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n<div class=\"ai-pro-article-banner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/members.dariusforoux.com\/ai-pro\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/dariusforoux.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/03-minimal-beige-scaled.png\" alt=\"AI Pro: Put AI to work. A practical course by Darius Foroux.\" style=\"width:100%;height:auto;\"\/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>My new course, AI Pro, is out now.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/members.dariusforoux.com\/ai-pro\">Learn how much time you can save with AI<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p> <iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/wisewealthy.dariusforoux.com\/embed\" width=\"480\" height=\"320\" style=\"border:1px solid #EEE; background:white;\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In January 2015, I don\u2019t think I got a single good night of sleep. My grandmother had been in the hospital while I was away on a New Year\u2019s vacation with my girlfriend at the time. My family back home hadn\u2019t told me how serious the situation was. After my grandmother passed away, my mind [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7070835,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12324,11937],"tags":[13380,14271,3333,5809,2963,23920],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-7070834","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mindfulness","category-philosophy","tag-biggest","tag-illusion","tag-life","tag-mind","tag-mindfulness","tag-philosophy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The mind and you: The biggest illusion of your life - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/som2nypost.com\/?p=7070834\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The mind and you: The biggest illusion of your life - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In January 2015, I don\u2019t think I got a single good night of sleep. 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